my humble abode
It' been a long time since I have been on my account, a really long while.  Things have been keeping me busy and I haven't really made much of an effort to keep up with my life and that is very sad in my opinion.  This is something I should be having fun with and just running with it you know.  So I would like to apologize to, not only livejournal, but to myself and any others that are or will be interested in reading what Ihave to display on my mind.  My life has been enduring some interesting changes of course.  

As far as college goes I have been working hard to keep myself in line with my grades almost to the point where I have no real time for friends.  It's almost sad isn't it, but the truth is that in college one shouldn't weigh his experience in how many friends he/she has made in a year.  All of the people I considered myself friends with I stopped partying with and most of them have either commuted or graduated.  In a way I guess I havent made any real effort in extending myself to others.  My current roommates I considered my friends are not really friends at all.  I'm just the person in their lives that just fill up space and just mean nothing.  So in all honesty I am alone. Which is ok because I have learned to accept being independent and appreciate it more, but as a major in music production my whole future is about making relationships and knowing others.  Maybe I need work on my people skills I am not entirely sure.  I am able to make others laugh in the room but I am not able to make others want to call themselves my homeslice if you will haha.  But, my grades have been good so that is something to look forward to.

Outside of college I am dealing with home life which includes: drama with parents and my younger siblings as well as a new addition to the family----
Meet Rocco

He has been putting a smile on my face everyday. I have not been used to having a pet like this because he can show affection as well as interact with me.   Enough about the cat.  With my parents it's a constant battle everyday.  Part of me just wants my mom to leave my stepfather because of all of the strain he has been putting her through.  It really hurts to see her go through it.  It really does.  The other part of me wishes I could just take matters into my own hands.  The worst part about it though is that everyone in the family knows damn well what is going on with them but none of them are able to help and even if they were it wouldnt even matter because of the fact that my mom needs to do it on her own, but seeing as though she doesnt have enough money and she doesnt have the right amount of resources to get by she would be struggling.  I cant wait until the day I am able to help her because she has been been helping me and our relationship is healing from all of the darkness in  our past.  She and I are closest.

My siblings are also going through some things as well as my mother.  I got a sister who has a very low self esteem and doesnt take care of herself.  She almost feels as though she is ugly.  This is, in part due to the fact that she is not able to think of herself as a young woman because of how her father treats her and because of the fact that she has mental issues.  She and I are drifting it seems.  I am not able to be close to her beacuse of how cold she is and she doesnt want anything to do with me. I really do love her and I really care about her.  It's difficult to see anyone like that.  I went through it as well at her age, so part of me has a heart to understand.  The youngest of the family, my brother is also hurting as well.  He feels so alone and inadequate that he doesnt feel he is able to believe in himself to do things on his own.  How I wish i could help him out.  I really do.

One other touch subject that has recently came into my life is the topic of my uncle in the hospital.  He has been in my life for a while.  He also is the person that i get any sense of masculine influence in my life.  I respect him for that.  Because of his influence in my life I am able to feel good about who I am as a man.  Recently he had been diagnosed with cancer and I am hoping that he will be free of this because I dont know how I would handle it to be honest.  Death has been in my life for a while but all of the deaths that occured in my life have been on a passive level of understanding. So I dont even know if I would cry or melt down or what.  What I am also afraid of is what if I am not able to feel anything at all.  It is not like I am that connected with the family anyway so why make the effort in finding some kind of common ground with them.

Well enough with the sadness I dont need a violin playing behind wherever I walk.  That is not the kind of attention I want.  What I do want is to see my mother and my family happy.  Also I want to work on my people skills and love myself a bit more. I hope that I was able to air out my mind enough for people to want to read this. I will be letting you know what else shall go in my life when I have new tales to tell.  Thank you for your time.

Yours truly,

Writer's Block: Roommate from Hell
my humble abode

Oh...This should be a fun writer's block entry for me to do.  I have had a nightmarish roommate one that I will never forget.  To start off with the guy seemed really cool when I first met him.  First impressions sometimes can be difficult for me to interpret especially if a person is vague about who they are.  The guy didn't seem like he was all there.  I would have various moments of me walking in my room to find him stoned.  His eyes would have a dead stare and glisten almost like a porcelain doll.  His face would be red, almost as if he is having his very life-force being drained from him.  One time I had my girlfriend sleeping over and I woke up to the sound of him peeing on the floor and I hoped to God that none of my belongings were dowsed in his monstrous piss stream.  Followed by the piss stream was his drunken babble and threats directed at his girlfriend, who obviously didn't have much respect for herself for being with someone like this.  It almost amazes me that I can remember him so vividly.

Writer's Block: Copy that
my humble abode
How do you feel about human cloning? Do you think the long-term societal impact will be positive or negative? Why?

 The idea of having a clone of myself would be an amazing thing to imagine. Wherever I would need to be my clone would handle my affairs for me.  Although the idea of it is a cool thing, due to my love of science fiction, I think it's very inhumane for people to do.

my humble abode
I put stock in what this life could be
But then my path overlaps with past
In a way that makes them look the same to me
I transcend concrete and shrink down
to a size that contradicts my importance
The same place that I was just before this

Can I manage my anxiety when
I don't know what the source is
As I walk this is forest
I guess I'll just wait till then

The sky unloads on me and everyone
I can tell this days will never bring any sun
But I got you here by side
And I don't want even think of ruining that
By trying to put expiration on our time
How can I decide what dies
When I'm one that can never control
Where Azriel flies

Candle lighting bringing about shadows
Looking ever so suggestive
Here now as I fight this battle
They remind me of demons but i could just be wrong in sensing

Dust begins to settle
But of course the wind likes to meddle
Peddling every follicle adjacent
To its previous location and now it's complacent
There is a light at the end this tunnel
Like the air bubble that follows this beer inside this funnel
That I consume, but what I know is that
I'm not looking forward to doom
Just as long as we can keep the peace while we are inside this room

Writer's Block: A rose by any other name ...
my humble abode
How did you choose your LiveJournal username? Is there an interesting story behind it?

 Tasteofglory is a username that speaks for itself in my opinion.  The reason I chose this name is because I figured I need a name that will make move forward.  Kind of like the way a photoshopped picture of yourself buff will motivate you to want to be physically fit.

(no subject)
my humble abode
Pressed up against the sheets
Wondering when the sun is going to rise
My eyeballs are moving sparatically
But my eyelids are shut so it just looks like I'm asleep
Time is of the essence and I feel like too much of it is being spent
Writing letters to a voice inside my head
that I'm supposed to believe is heaven sent
Feels like it just brushes against the wind
Makes its mark in wet cement
Then takes the intent of this message
and smudges it so that it almost
Appears to be blasphemy
Well knowledge gained is added misery
So I guess I should just do whatever it is that's asked of me

Crack the whip
Preserve what ounce of me is being used
Punch the clock and seek reward
Break out just to finance a dream of course

Writer's Block: Name that tune
my humble abode
A song that I can never grow tired of is Loser by Beck because it pretty much speaks to me when I am having one of those days where I am feeling unmotivated and uninspired. It reassures me that what I am experiencing is just a normal part of the day and that I need to learn to cope.

Another song that I cant get tired of is Mezzanine by Massive Attack. This particular song makes me realize how much of a game love and the human experience is.

Back from my weekend
my humble abode
I'm finally back from hanging out with my girlfriend and a weekend of thrill rides at Six Flags. I just got back on sunday evening. It was such a blast literally. I could not describe just how awesome it was. I finally got over my fear of roller coasters and I am happy about that. I cannot say that I will try anything at this point because that would be unrealistic but I do feel a bit loosened up. Time went by so fast though. Now I am back and still trying to get a job. When we first got to the park the first thing that wen through my mind was that in some way, shape or form I would be shitting out my heart today. The first ride that passed my vision was called the All American Scream Machine. Its loops gave me such a chill. Everyone including my girlfriend were just ranting on and on how they desired to see me scream. I could hardly imagine what sadist would even create rides that can put people in a shriek of terror. What possibly could possess someone to even think about going on one of these rides. Well I guess that it was time for me to do something out of the ordinary. I needed excitement in my life.

The first ride we were going one was the Bizarro ride (Medusa fucking tools at six flags). Looking at the tracks and the fire that spewed on the ride i was freaking out on the line. Luckily the line was long so I could at least regain myself before succumbing to the twisting tracks and flames of hell I would be experiencing. The line begins to diminish and we begin moving closer and closer at a snail pace. It is already blazing hot and with the pyrotechnics going about there was no reason for mother nature to show her mercy. We finally reach the ride and I think to myself that it would be too late for me to chicken out and with my girlfriend next to me I did not want to look like a pussy. I could picture my manhood disappearing with every second avoiding the ride. My penis, ego and common sense were having a free-for-all. As I am being strapped down my heart forms its own conga line from the adrenaline. There are four seats to a row and you can only guess who they chose to sit on the outside. The ride begins and and we are sent off. The only thing running through my mind is the fact that I will be shooting up into the heavens and then sent spiraling through loops and twists toward hell. The ride meets the top and I shoot down faster than anything I can ever imagine. I screamed like John Goodman in "Raising Arizona" when he broke out of prison and emerged from the ground with a loud roar. Oh how I felt my insides and my genitals tingle on the way to the end of the ride. What a rush that was. I still felt the shock of the ride.

You would think it would end there and I would be taken on a smaller ride i could handle, but no I was horribly wrong. Our next venture was El Torro, a wooden rollercoaster that is composed of hills that are barely at 90 degree angles. We neared and merengue was being played in the background. Hearing this and watching this wooden rollercoaster monstrosity was really plucking every string of my emotions. "They are trying their best to kill me", I kept thinking to myself. On this line it is different because the ride moves faster and there were less seats to be occupied. God looking at the people in line and listening to the combined sound of screaming and the sound of the speeding cart on the track was enough to make me feel uneasy. My girlfriend is trying her best to let me know that everything will be alright. Things begin to progress a lot faster and I am losing time to consider whether or not I'm gonna go through with the ride or not. I sit down and I do my best to refrain from hyperventilating. The seats are strapped in which happened in the last rollercoaster. I begin to realize that I am more afraid of facing the hill than anything else. I keep making excuses for why I shouldn't or why I don't want to but I know that I have to get over it. The ride starts I begin shooting up toward the top and everything just seems to pause for a split second and I know that from here it's all downhill, turns, and uphill. Wind surounds me and I scream once again. Closing my eyes will not help me in this as i know i can still feel it on the way down.

Lucky for me after we got on this one we got to relax and go on the more light hearted rides in the park. So far this trip has been nothing short of exciting. I am alive and I am grateful that I even got up the courage to do such a thing and live. I would be living for the first time in a long while really. As scary as the rides were I felt alive and when we got off I got the feeling of virility as well as spiritual orgasm. One big challenge awaited me at the end of the day and that was NITRO (typing it in all caps is the only way to type the name without leaving out how crazy the ride actually is). On this ride I managed to deal with it better than El Torro. I decided to sit in the middle row for the remainder of the ride because of the fact that I was tired of rollercoasters for the day and I did not want to overdo it. On this ride the cart goes almost 300 feet in the air and it's a slow venture up and then the drop is really fast but not as intense as el torro. I managed to come out of it unscathed. For the most part I think that the people who make these roller coasters are sadists that get off to the sounds of our screams. My first time experience in six flags was worthwhile to be completely honest. I came out tired and with a headache due to the force of the rollercoasters, but honestly I can no loner say that I am afraid of rollercoasters, well I should say some rollercoasters at leas lol.

Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One
my humble abode
Do you believe in monogamy?
I do believe in monogamy because if you find the person that you love and want to be with forever then you should only sleep with that person.  What is the point of having something good and have it tarnished because one person decided to be a sleaze and sleep around with the some random person.  The choice of whether or not you experiment is up to both parties but over all I prefer monogamy because i would not want to share my love for another with another, if you know what I'm saying.

Well my day.....
my humble abode
Today is the first time I will ever be on a rollercoaster at six flags.  I can only imagine what it's like. I am looking forward to it though because maybe it will loosen me up.  Who doesn't need that.  Seriously I sometimes feel so uninhibited.  I know that i have more of a potential to be more exciting and live my life as such, but I sometimes turn down opportunities that will be good for me.  This is the first step I take in making me a better person.  My music needs to be more alive. since i havent been working at it I feel a bit rusty.  i NEED SOME EXCITEMENT.  This will be awesome because I get to see my girlfriend that I met in college along with some other friends of ours.  

Well this is a step in the right direction I guess as far as getting myself to a higher place in life.  My goal is to be a musician that has multiple music projects and is always busy doing something.  One thing that sucks in life is when you have nothing to do to keep your passion alive.  I think that's what I see when I listen to the various fights and arguments that my mother and stepfather have.  Seriously when I graduate I want to stay alive.  I want to do things and keep finding new things that make me happy.  I also want to keep all my relationships very close nit, but if I am not able to accomplish the friend thing oh well I can always make new friends.  I am blessed in a way that will make itself noticeable to me really soon.  This seems a little gay to make a journal that uses self appreciation.  The person I am is not perfect, but Dammit I want to live life.  I don't want to live recklessly but what is life if there isnt anything to make it interesting.

I only hope the best for the day So here ends another journal entry.


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